Why do we keep talking about stress?
If you’re caring for an older adult, you’ve probably heard a lot about reducing, managing, or being aware of stress. In fact, you’re probably sick of hearing about it. But there’s a good reason why everyone, including us, thinks caregiver stress is such a big deal.
Serious consequences to not reducing stress
We don’t like being negative and we are absolutely not criticizing you for being stressed out. But we need to be brutally honest. We push so hard on caregivers like you to reduce stress and take breaks because chronic severe stress can actually cause death.
Stress causes serious health conditions and increased risk of death
Caregivers are at risk because they put caregiving duties first and tend to ignore symptoms of stress-related problems. It’s wonderful to care so deeply for your senior, but putting your own health last leads to severe chronic stress, serious health conditions, and poor lifestyle choices.
Serious chronic health issues
- 45% of caregivers report having serious chronic conditions including heart attack, heart disease, cancer, diabetes, and arthritis. That’s almost double the rate for non-caregivers.
- 60% of caregivers reported fair or poor health status, one or more chronic conditions, or a disability. Again, almost double the rate for non-caregivers.
- Women who spend 9+ hours/week caring for a spouse have double the heart disease risk.
Accelerated aging and higher death rate
- Chronic stress accelerates aging by actually shortening cell life. This leads to weaker muscles, skin wrinkles, and even organ failure. Severe stress can take as many as 10 years off a person’s life.
- In a study published in Journal of the American Medical Association, 33% of stressed caregivers with a severe chronic disease died within 4 years.
- Older adults (aged 66 – 96) caring for a spouse have a 63% higher risk of death than non-caregivers of the same age.
Prevent stress from harming your health
Of course you don’t want to have terrible health problems and you’re certainly not stressed because you want to be. So, what can you do to improve the situation?
Dramatic changes aren’t necessary. The answer isn’t to abandon your older adult and run away to Hawaii (though that does sound nice…). What will make a positive difference is changing how you talk to yourself, paying attention to your own needs and getting help when you need it.
Work on making your own health a higher priority, take short breaks, do little things to care for yourself, and use simple tips and tricks to manage stress. These small changes could literally save your life.
You might also like:
— Local Respite Care Services Give Caregivers a Break
— Caregivers, How to Know If You’re Stressed Out
— Reduce Caregiver Stress Using Your Smartphone Alarm
Sources: Family Caregiver Alliance, Caregiver Action Network, NAC: Caregiving Costs, Evercare and NAC: Caregivers in Decline
Image: asapSCIENCE
About the Author
Connie Chow
Connie was a hands-on caregiver for her grandmother for 20 years. (Grandma made it to 101 years old!) She knows how challenging, overwhelming, and all-consuming caring for an older adult can be. She also knows how important support is — especially in the form of practical solutions, valuable resources, and self-care tips.
i have looked after my elderly mother for 20 years on my own until we both got food poisioning and she ended up in hospital for 3 and a half weeks fighting a very serious
blood poisioning and went through delirum which inturn accelerated her other alliments then onto rebhab for 2 and a half weeks when they said she had vascular dementia and intaxia the other relos couldnt even spend anytime with her either in hospital or rehab
It’s wonderful that you’ve been able to care for your mom for so many years! We’re so sorry to hear that you both got sick and that she had such serious complications 💔 It’s extra challenging when other family members won’t do their part
I have been the sole caregiver to my mom for 5 years now, with no support whatsoever. Its as if we are on an island all by ourselves. two adult siblings who are bystanders…spectators at best. And worst and most insulting is that ‘I’ resigned my $72k a year job to care for her full time as the dementia worsened and her hearing diminished. I have two degrees and a future that was filled with goals desires that seem soo far away now…almost as if it will never happen. I find myself wondering when she’ll pass so that I can RUN back to my life…shallow and selfish I know but its how Ive been feeling lately…and…who is going to take care of me when I’m this age?? And what is it that the youngest of the siblings have to take on this responsibility. Anyhow thanks for letting me express with those experiencing the same challenges.
We’re so sorry to hear that you aren’t getting more support in caring for your mom.
Caregiving is such a challenging job and your thoughts and feelings are a natural response to the situation. You may find it helpful to join a caregiver support group. Here are some that we recommend – 11 Private Support Groups for Caregivers on Facebook https://dailycaring.com/support-groups-for-caregivers-on-facebook/
You might also find it helpful to speak with a trained counselor or therapist to help you find coping methods – 4 Sources of Affordable Counseling Services to Reduce Caregiver Stress https://dailycaring.com/low-cost-therapy-options-help-caregivers-cope/
I have only suspicions of my mother having dementia at this point, no diagnosis. My family has completely stopped responding to me and never ever try to see how I’m doing. Instead they try and pamper my mother who continues to put lies out about myself and my husband and is evicting us out of her home. I guess it’s because she’s only 61, and they either don’t see it yet or don’t want to face it. She tried to poison my husband which was caught on video, and even asked someone if it would be funny to poison him without knowing another individual overheard her, and then told us what he heard. We’ve tried so hard and have done so much work around her house to help her out and she never sleeps and wanders around at night taking things of ours into her room and locking them up telling others we stole that stuff from my brother in prison and my deceased father. I can’t take it anymore, it feels like she sabotages us on purpose because some times she seems perfectly fine. She visited me and my daughter at the hospital last night because my daughter had surgery, then when she left she went and started a huge thing with my husband at the house which resulted in her walking around the property yelling and screaming at the top of her lungs about worthless he is. I feel like I can no longer remember any good memories from my childhood, and I’m terrified I’ll lose what good memories I have left just from dealing with all of this. She’s even made a comment about her having dementia which nah now denies saying at all.
We’re so sorry to hear about this difficult situation. Without a proper diagnosis, it’s difficult to know whether your mother has dementia or perhaps a treatable condition that’s causing dementia-like behavior. It would be helpful for her to have a thorough examination.
More info here:
– 7 Treatable Health Conditions with Dementia-Like Symptoms https://dailycaring.com/7-treatable-health-conditions-with-symptoms-similar-to-dementia/
– 8 Treatable Diseases That Mimic Dementia https://dailycaring.com/8-treatable-diseases-that-mimic-dementia/
– How Is Dementia Diagnosed? A Geriatric Doctor Explains https://dailycaring.com/how-is-dementia-diagnosed-a-geriatrician-explains/
We’ve got some articles about reducing and managing these types of dementia behaviors that might be helpful:
– 14 Ways to Handle Screaming and Crying in Dementia https://dailycaring.com/14-ways-to-handle-screaming-and-crying-in-dementia/
– Responding to 4 Common Dementia Accusations: Stealing, Poisoning, Being Held Prisoner https://dailycaring.com/responding-to-4-common-dementia-accusations-stealing-poisoning-being-held-prisoner/
– 6 Ways to Help Someone Who Doesn’t Know They’re Ill: Anosognosia in Dementia https://dailycaring.com/6-ways-to-help-someone-who-doesnt-know-theyre-ill-anosognosia-in-dementia/
– Solve Challenging Alzheimer’s Behaviors with Expert Communication Tips https://dailycaring.com/video-difficult-alzheimers-behaviors-solved-with-expert-communication-tips/
In case it’s time to make a change in living situation:
– When to Move to Assisted Living? Advice From a Social Worker https://dailycaring.com/when-should-a-senior-move-to-assisted-living-get-advice-from-a-social-worker/
– Memory Care: Assisted Living for Alzheimer’s and Dementia https://dailycaring.com/alzheimers-dementia-memory-care-basics/
This might have helpful suggestions for dealing with your family’s denial – 3 Ways to Deal with Family in Denial About Seniors Needing Help https://dailycaring.com/3-ways-to-deal-with-family-in-denial-about-seniors-needing-help/
Thank you for all your support. It means so much to me. I’m learning not to beat myself up. I love my mom so much. And you’ve taught me not the always question my daily decisions.
We’re so glad this is helpful! You definitely deserve to give yourself credit and appreciation for all the wonderful things you’re doing. Those everyday decisions can be tough to make and you’re making them after careful consideration. There often isn’t an ideal choice, so you’re doing the very best that you can in a challenging situation ❤️
omg I take care of my 90 yo mom. she has Alzheimers. it’s getting worse. I sit in my car and cry from the stress. I wonder why I was saddled with all this. I’m almost 69, divorced and have no life.
The stress of caregiving can certainly be overwhelming and isolating. Having supportive people to talk with can be a big help and a source of advice and resources. We suggest some caregiver support groups in these articles:
– 14 Caregiver Support Groups on Facebook https://dailycaring.com/support-groups-for-caregivers-on-facebook/
– 8 Benefits of Caregiver Support Groups https://dailycaring.com/8-benefits-of-caregiver-support-groups/
– 4 Ways to Find a Caregiver Support Group You Like https://dailycaring.com/4-ways-to-find-a-caregiver-support-group-you-like/
It might also help if you could get some help so you can get some time for yourself. We’ve got some suggestions here:
– Caring for the Caregiver: 6 Ways to Get Help and Improve Your Health https://dailycaring.com/caring-for-the-caregiver-6-ways-to-get-help-and-improve-your-health/
– 6 Ways to Make It Easier for Caregivers to Take a Break https://dailycaring.com/6-ways-to-make-it-easier-for-caregivers-to-take-a-break/
– Find Local Respite Care to Get a Break From Caregiving https://dailycaring.com/local-respite-care-services-give-caregivers-a-break/
Learning more about Alzheimer’s and different care techniques may also help make things a bit easier. We suggest top books here – 12 Best Alzheimer’s and Dementia Books for Caregivers https://dailycaring.com/must-read-alzheimers-books-for-caregivers/
We’ve also got an extensive section of articles with Alzheimer’s & dementia care tips here – https://dailycaring.com/category/health-conditions/alzheimers-dementia/
We’ve also got some articles with a variety of stress relief tips that might help:
– 5 Coping Tips for the Overwhelmed Caregiver https://dailycaring.com/5-coping-tips-for-the-overwhelmed-caregiver/
– 4 Ways to Reduce Stress from Caregiver Emotions https://dailycaring.com/4-ways-to-reduce-stress-from-caregiver-emotions/
I am honored that I have the opportunity to support my mother. I do get overwhelmed and stressed out sometimes! I have found that using resources such as Uber and Lyft to take her to her appointments is very helpful! I also use services such as Insta Cart to deliver her groceries. When I am at work and she would like some fast food I will have Uber Eats deliver food for her. She also has her medications delivered to her. I have also found a beauty shop that is close to her home and I have worked out a deal with the beauty shop and she just has to pay $20.00 to have her hair done. I also take her to church on Sunday’s which helps to lift her spirits!!
That’s wonderful! You’ve found so many helpful solutions that save you time and lighten your load as well as make life brighter for your mom.
Try a Pace program helps keep you at home instead of nursing homes. Free Respite stays. It’s Medicaid so can’t own home or they take it over. Can always find someone to help sit with so you get a break
My family is evil. They fight doing the right thing for their own gain. My mother had a massive stroke. Every time I see her it feels she wants to pull my soul out of my body and put hers in it. She made terrible choices leaving her broke. Regardless, the nursing home who swore they’d never approve she leave to go back to a home the bank is taking as well as home to a person incapable of handling her own life let alone a mom in diapers. I am so angry, and sad it’s making me sick!
I’m so sorry about this situation. It’s understandable that you’d be sad and angry about what’s happening 😢💔
I feel the reason why being a family caregiver can kill U is bcause theres no family support & the family caregiver has to do it all by him/herself
Caregiving is a tough and overwhelming job. That’s why having a support system is so essential, so you won’t be doing it alone. When family isn’t available, use any other way you can to build a support network. Use any county resources available, go to caregiver support groups, talk with nonprofit organizations, take advantage of community volunteer programs that can help, ask friends or neighbors to do favors like send over a meal or help with an errand… The point is to think about everything you have to do and see what items you can get off your plate by getting help from others.
All by herself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!…No support – no calls – absolutely nothing from family. It is as if you never even existed in their lives.
So sorry that’s happening 🙁
Same here! I can’t figure out why my siblings don’t care enough to help me. They wouldn’t even give me the decency to answer my pleas for help. I have a severe illness myself and have been at death’s door many times, yet still no help from them. This has sure opened my eyes!
We’re so sorry to hear this. In case it helps, we’ve got suggestions on how to get help so you have time to take care of yourself as well:
– Caring for the Caregiver: 6 Ways to Get Help and Improve Your Health https://dailycaring.com/caring-for-the-caregiver-6-ways-to-get-help-and-improve-your-health/
– 6 Ways to Make It Easier for Caregivers to Take a Break https://dailycaring.com/6-ways-to-make-it-easier-for-caregivers-to-take-a-break/
– Affordable In Home Care: 8 Ways to Lower Senior Care Costs https://dailycaring.com/affordable-in-home-care-8-ways-to-lower-senior-care-costs/
I 100% agree. I am so alone all the time with no help from my brother that lives less than 1 mile from my mother and I. His wife is useless, she doesn’t work outside the home and their kids are 16 & 12 so no excuse not to offer help at least once in a while. I am empty, mentally, emotionally and physically — I have nothing left to give!! It’s useless and actually a insulting telling people they need to relieve their stress and then offer nothing helpful to achieve that end. Please help in a concrete way or STFU!!
I’m so sorry that your family hasn’t been helpful at all. It’s understandable that you’d be angry about the situation. It sounds like looking for outside help and support may be more effective since your family refuses to do their part.
Here are some articles that might be helpful:
— Respite Care Services Give Caregivers a Break: Find One Near You https://dailycaring.com/local-respite-care-services-give-caregivers-a-break/
— 6 Ways to Make It Easier for Caregivers to Take a Break https://dailycaring.com/6-ways-to-make-it-easier-for-caregivers-to-take-a-break/
— Affordable In Home Care: 8 Ways to Lower Senior Care Costs https://dailycaring.com/affordable-in-home-care-8-ways-to-lower-senior-care-costs/