Overcome 3 Excuses from Relatives Who Avoid Caregiving

relatives who avoid caregiving

Caregivers need more help

Many caregivers take on more responsibility for their older adult than others in their family. In one study, 76% of family caregivers reported that they don’t get help from family members.

Caring for an older adult by yourself is exhausting and damaging to health. But getting family to help is often a challenge.

Getting a better understanding of why family members aren’t doing their part helps you find ways to get them to participate in caregiving.

We share 3 top reasons why family members don’t help with caregiving and suggest ways to overcome their excuses so they’ll give you the help you need and deserve.



Overcome 3 reasons why relatives avoid caregiving

1. They think you don’t need any help
This may sound crazy because you’re living the grueling caregiving reality, but from the outside, it may look like you’ve got everything under control and don’t need help.

Often, people who aren’t involved in day-to-day care have no idea how much time, energy, and sacrifice is needed to care for an older adult.

Telling your family member about everything you do isn’t as effective as having them experience it firsthand.

A good way to start changing their misguided point of view is to slowly get them involved in day-to-day activities.

For example, ask your relative to help with a specific task – like a health insurance claim issue or financial housekeeping. Or, have them visit when you normally help Mom get ready for bed and then ask them to do some of the things you would normally do.

They may not change their minds the first time, but if you keep involving them in aspects of your older adult’s care, they’ll soon see how much time and energy caregiving really takes.


2. They don’t know how to help
Another type of family member might not know how they should help. These folks do better when asked to do specific tasks.

It might be annoying to have to constantly spell out exactly what you need because it seems so obvious to you, but these people often respond better to requests like “Next Saturday, I need your help to declutter Mom’s house so she won’t be as likely to fall. Can you meet me at her house at 2pm and stay until 5pm?”


3. They’re scared of doing a bad job
Ha! As if you had a choice when you started as a caregiver! You had to jump in and learn on the job, but someone else is sitting on the sidelines because they’re too afraid.

As tough as this idea may be to swallow, this person might be willing to help if you slowly ease them in and train them on caregiving tasks.

Start out by having them shadow you and watch while you care for your older adult. That helps them get over their fear and get familiar with the routine. The more first hand exposure they have to caregiving, the more comfortable they’ll get.

As an example, you could ask them to come over for lunch. While they’re there, calmly talk through the ways you’re helping Dad – “I’m just going to cut up the chicken to make it easier to chew.” or “Let’s gently encourage Mom to drink all her juice at lunch so she won’t get dehydrated.”


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By DailyCaring Editorial Team
Image: Assisted Living Advantage


  • Reply September 21, 2018

    Irma Reyes

    I’ve been with my mom about ten or more years. I have 4 brothers I’m the only daughter have one brother who tries to help me 1 lives in the states , one lives with me but not much help and the oldest worries more about he’s mother in law then his mom.I work so I can kept up with the financial.

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