Feeling Unappreciated as a Caregiver: 11 Ways to Cope

Feeling unappreciated as a caregiver is an emotional burden that many struggle with silently. The long hours, constant sacrifices, and lack of recognition can leave you exhausted, resentful, or even questioning your efforts. But you’re not alone! These feelings are valid, and there are healthy ways to cope.

In this article, we share 11 practical strategies to help you manage these emotions, regain a sense of worth, and find balance in your caregiving journey. You deserve appreciation and support, and these tips can help you reclaim both.

Sometimes Caregivers Can Feel Underappreciated

Feeling unappreciated when you do so much to care for your older adult is a common issue in caregiving.

Not feeling valued can cause resentment and increase stress, eventually leading to burnout.

These feelings are a natural part of caregiving and won’t just go away on their own.

What’s important is learning to manage negative feelings to keep yourself as healthy and happy as possible.

We’ve got 11 practical ways to help you cope if you're feeling unappreciated while caring for your older adult.

Feeling Underappreciated as a Caregiver: 11 Ways to Cope

1. Understand why seniors might not show appreciation

Thinking about why an older adult doesn’t show appreciation can give you perspective on the situation and make it easier to cope.

For example, seniors who are living with severe chronic illness or pain and declining physical or cognitive abilities might be focused on their suffering. They’re less likely to be aware of your feelings and needs.

Older adults with dementia often struggle to get through the day. They may not be able to think beyond the basic tasks of living.

Or, they could feel appreciation, but not be able to express it adequately. If they’re in a more advanced stage, they might not be able to process complex concepts, such as appreciation.

In other cases, your older adult might have grown accustomed to the daily routine and no longer realize how much you’re doing and how much time and energy it takes.

It’s also possible that your older adult resents needing help.

Regardless of their actual care needs, they may feel like you’re forcing unnecessary assistance on them. This makes them unlikely to feel gratitude for what you’re doing.

2. Make self-care a priority

When you’re exhausted and stressed, it’s easy for resentment and anger to creep in and occupy your mind.

That’s why self-care is essential for caregivers – it’s not a treat or indulgence.

Taking time for yourself is what keeps you mentally and physically healthy.

It helps manage the stress and negative feelings so you can continue caregiving for the long haul.

3. Appreciate yourself and celebrate accomplishments

Celebrating your caregiving accomplishments might seem like something that others do for you, but it’s essential that you also appreciate yourself.

That’s because the way you feel about yourself and how you talk to yourself has a bigger impact than what anyone else says.

If family members can’t or won’t express appreciation for your hard work, you may have to accept their limitations and focus on self-appreciation instead.

Think of the good reasons you’ve chosen to take on this job and how much you’ve helped someone in need.

4. Reward yourself

Caregiving is by nature a thankless job. Rewarding yourself is another way to keep feeling positive about all the good you’re doing.

A reward could be anything – big or small.

Maybe it’s getting your favorite Starbucks drink once a week or buying supplies for a hobby you love.

Or it could be giving yourself permission to get respite care or hire caregiving help so you can go on a weekend getaway.

5. Use lighthearted humor to ask for appreciation

Sometimes you need to let people know that you’d like some recognition and thanks.

One way is to take a lighthearted approach and occasionally make jokes in a positive tone of voice.

For example, if your older adult praises something someone else did for them, you could use a lighthearted tone to say with a smile, “What am I, chopped liver?”

Or, after completing a task like helping them move from the bed to the chair, you might gently tease, “No need for thanks, I’m just here for the free workouts.”

6. Don’t measure your performance in terms of their health

The reality is that aging can’t be cured.

Serious chronic diseases will continue to get worse. Like the old saying goes, none of us gets out of here alive.

That’s why it’s not fair to judge yourself based on your older adult’s health or ability to recover from a health crisis.

Even the most magical, fantastic, excellent caregiver wouldn’t be able to stop their decline.

Please don’t wait for your older adult to show improvement before appreciating yourself for making their lives safer and more comfortable.

You are making a significant difference.

7. Understand why others might not show appreciation

Family or friends who haven’t done any caregiving may not understand what you do or how hard it is.

Some people have a hard time empathizing if they’ve never experienced something for themselves. That’s why they might not be appreciative of all that you do.

One way to cope is to share more information.

For example, send family members a periodic email to update them on the various tasks you’ve been managing, such as a recent medical appointment, physical therapy results, or getting new medical equipment.

When family members have a better understanding of everything you’ve been doing, they might be more likely to show appreciation or even offer to help.

8. Graciously accept thanks and appreciation

When you’ve received far less appreciation than you deserve, it’s easy to snap at someone who thanks you for something.

It might feel like their thanks is “too little, too late.”

But snapping at someone when they thank you only discourages them from doing it again.

Even if you feel like their appreciation isn’t enough, accept it graciously.

That encourages them to show even more appreciation in the future.

9. Model the behavior you’d like to see

Sometimes the best way to get thanks is to give it first. If you’d like others to show appreciation to you, start by showing appreciation to them.

If your older adult does something helpful, no matter how minor, recognize it and thank them.

For example, if they hang up the hand towel instead of leaving it on the counter, say ‘thank you. ‘

You’ll be reinforcing a positive behavior and increasing the chances they’ll thank you for something in the future.

10. Choose to do it for yourself

It’s important to remember that you have a choice and that you’ve made the decision to be a caregiver.

It may not always feel like you’re in control of that decision, but you are.

There are alternatives for your older adult if you choose not to be their caregiver. They may not be great options, but choices do exist.

When you choose to be a caregiver, it’s essential to do it for your reasons and not for appreciation or recognition from anyone else.

Remind yourself that you’ve chosen to do it, even if nobody appreciates or notices your sacrifice.

11. See it as a compliment

Unfortunately, the more capable, helpful, and reliable you are, the more likely you’ll be taken for granted.

After all, the person who gets everything done and knows exactly what they’re doing doesn’t stand out because they’re not causing problems.

This may be a small comfort, but it can help reframe the lack of appreciation as a compliment to your outstanding caregiving skills.

Recommended for you:

• Caregiver Emotions: 2 Tips for Managing Tough Feelings
• 4 Sources of Affordable Counseling Services to Reduce Caregiver Stress
• 6 Ways to Make It Easier for Caregivers to Take a Break

A version of this article was originally published on Sixty and Me

About the Author

Connie Chow

Connie was a hands-on caregiver for her grandmother for 20 years. (Grandma made it to 101 years old!) She knows how challenging, overwhelming, and all-consuming caring for an older adult can be. She also knows how important support is — especially in the form of practical solutions, valuable resources, and self-care tips.