How to Talk With Your Parents About Aging: 5 Tips

Discussing aging challenges with your parents can feel overwhelming. No one wants to upset their loved ones or spark resistance. Yet, open and compassionate conversations are essential to ensuring their safety, health, and happiness as they grow older. Approaching topics like driving, home safety, or long-term care with patience and a clear strategy can make all the difference.

In this article, we share five practical tips for talking with your parents about aging. These tips will help you navigate these issues with empathy, respect, and clarity. Planning ahead of a crisis is one of the greatest gifts you can give your family.

Talking to Aging Parents About the Challenges Ahead

You might have noticed that your parents are starting to need more help. 

Maybe the house is filthy, they’re not eating correctly, or medication doses are being missed.

Talking with parents about aging and lifestyle changes can be tricky, but everyone should have these conversations before a crisis hits.

Remembering what you’re discussing will likely mean significant life changes, so it will take more than one conversation before things happen.

Your parents will need time to get used to the idea and accept that they need more help.

And because these are sensitive topics, planning will make the conversations easier and more productive for everyone.

We’ve got five useful tips to help you plan your responses, introduce the topic, and make the conversations as successful as possible.

How to Talk with Parents About Aging: 5 Tips

1. General guidelines

• Write an outline to organize your thoughts. This will also give you something to follow so you won’t forget important points.
• Approach the conversation around the most important considerations for older adults: safety, freedom, peace of mind, social connection, and being able to make choices.
• Emphasize that there aren’t “right” or “wrong” options or ideas. It’s helpful to keep an open mind and consider various options.

2. Be respectful and considerate

• Put yourself in their shoes. Let them know you care about how they feel and what they want.
• Be a good listener. Let them talk and really listen, even if you disagree with what they say. It will make you think about your own aging.
• Your relationship may change as you have these conversations and take a more active role in their life, but you shouldn’t consider yourself the “parent” or that you now “know what’s best.”

3. Who will be there, and where will this happen?

• Involve everyone in the family who should be there.
• Plan for plenty of time to talk in a quiet place where your parents can feel calm and focus on the conversation.

4. Do a practice run

• If you’re nervous about the conversation, run your ideas past an impartial person—a social worker at a local agency or senior center, a counselor or therapist, or a leader at your church.

5. Use conversation starters to ease into the subject

• Start with some casual conversations about planting seeds. Then build on those to lead to bigger, more decision-focused discussions later.
• Consider using these icebreakers:
  • Say, “I’ve noticed some things take more energy these days. What are the important things you want to do?” Or “What are your priorities? Is there a way we can make it easier for you to do those things?”
  • Mention how much you admire how they’ve handled retirement and ask for advice on what has worked well for them so that you can learn from them.
  • Use an event in the news or a story about an aging family member or friend. Say, “We never talk about these things. I don’t want to pry, but knowing there’s a plan if we need it would give me peace of mind.”

Recommended for you:

• 7 Steps to Take When Aging Parents Need Help
• What To Do When Aging Parents Refuse Help They Need
• Dealing with Aging Parents and Siblings: 5 Ways to Work Better Together

About the Author

Connie Chow

Connie was a hands-on caregiver for her grandmother for 20 years. (Grandma made it to 101 years old!) She knows how challenging, overwhelming, and all-consuming caring for an older adult can be. She also knows how important support is — especially in the form of practical solutions, valuable resources, and self-care tips.