Prepare Family Before Holiday Visits with Seniors

The holiday season brings the joyful anticipation of family gatherings. Still, when your gathering includes an aging loved one, a little preparation can make the difference between a stressful encounter and a meaningful connection.

Well-intentioned family members may not realize how much has changed since their last visit or understand the specific needs of an older adult.

By taking a few simple steps to prepare your guests in advance, you can set everyone up for a more comfortable, enjoyable, and compassionate visit that honors your senior loved one's dignity while creating positive memories for the whole family.

Holiday Gatherings Can Be Shocking to Some Family Members

Many families only get together a couple of times a year for big holiday celebrations.

When family members see your older adult, they might be surprised or scared by their current condition.

You see your older adult all the time, so their appearance and behavior seem normal to you.

But for others, it can be quite a shock to see that your older adult has declined since the last get-together.

Being surprised could make family members irrationally angry, lead them to treat your older adult poorly, or prompt them to insist on unwise changes to their care.

Minimize this unwanted behavior by giving your family a heads-up about what to expect before holiday events.

This is helpful because you’ll likely get fewer criticisms and rude comments, and your older adult will likely be treated with greater care and respect.

We explain what you might want to share with family ahead of time and share a sample email letter that you can customize to suit your situation.

Inform Your Family Ahead of Time

You’re used to managing your older adult’s health needs and daily activities, but many of the things that are now a part of daily life can be strange and worrisome to others.

You may want to update family members ahead of time about your older adult’s current health condition, explain common behaviors, and suggest ways to interact that will help your older adult enjoy the family gathering.

Things you may want to share:

• Recent photos
• Significant weight loss or gain
• Being in a wheelchair or relying heavily on a walker
• Wearing disposable briefs and dealing with incontinence
• Inability to do things for themselves, like eat or use the restroom
• Unpredictable behavior or memory and cognitive problems caused by Alzheimer’s disease or dementia

A Sample Letter: Customize to Fit Your Situation

We’ve written this letter to explain changes caused by age and dementia. Tailor your message to fit your older adult’s health conditions and overall behavior.

I'm writing to let you know how things are going with mom. We're both looking forward to your visit, and I thought it might be helpful to explain our current situation before you arrive.

You might notice that Mom has changed since you last saw her. Her doctors say she’s getting the correct care, and these changes are common in people with advancing dementia.

Some of the things you might notice are that she’s lost weight and looks more frail. She uses a walker and is sensitive to large crowds and excessive noise. She also has some problems thinking clearly, so her behavior is a little unpredictable and may seem odd to you.

Please understand and don't feel offended if she doesn’t remember who you are or confuses you with someone else. She appreciates your being with us, and so do I. The warm feelings she’ll have after spending time with you are what she’ll remember.

Please treat Mom as you would any person. She’s still “herself” inside, even if she can’t always express it. She enjoys warm smiles and hugs and will love gentle touches on her shoulder or hands.

This all might seem strange to you, but Alzheimer’s is a weird disease that causes unpredictable changes. Caring for someone with Alzheimer’s is a tough job, and I'm doing the very best I can. With your help and support, we can create a holiday memory that we'll all treasure.

I've attached a recent picture so you’ll know how she looks now.

Here are a few helpful resources if you’d like to learn more about mom’s health conditions before your visit.

• Do’s and Don’ts for Visiting Someone with Dementia
• 3 Stages of Dementia: What to Expect as the Disease Progresses
• What Is It Like to Live with Dementia? 3 Insightful Personal Stories

Note: If your loved one doesn’t have Alzheimer’s disease or dementia, you might want to select different informational articles to include in your email. We’ve got plenty to choose from here on our website.

Final Thoughts

A successful family visit is ultimately about creating an environment where everyone feels comfortable and valued. By setting clear expectations and offering gentle guidance, you're not just managing logistics; you're fostering understanding and empathy across generations.

These thoughtful preparations help ensure that your holiday gathering is filled with genuine connection rather than unintended stress, leaving everyone with warm memories that will be cherished long after the season ends. Here's to a visit filled with patience, presence, and the true spirit of togetherness.

Recommended for you:

• 50 Best Gifts for Seniors: Things You’ve Never Thought Of
• 3 Effective Ways to Respond to Caregiver Criticism
• Caregiving with Siblings: 5 Tips for Working Together

About the Author

Connie Chow

Founder, DailyCaring.com

Connie is the founder of DailyCaring.com and was a hands-on caregiver for her grandmother for 20 years. (Grandma made it to 101 years old!) She knows how challenging, overwhelming, and all-consuming caring for an older adult can be. She also understands the importance of support, especially in the form of practical solutions, valuable resources, and self-care tips.