The car keys. For many seniors, they are a powerful symbol of freedom, control, and self-reliance. Yet, when age-related decline makes driving unsafe, those same keys become a source of immense fear and conflict for their families.
You've tried talking, you've noticed the dents in the fender, and you lie awake, worrying about their safety and that of others. If gentle conversations and logical arguments have failed, it's time for a new, more resolute strategy.
Here are eight difficult but necessary steps to take when all else has failed, helping you navigate this painful transition from a place of love and protection.
What to Do if Your Parent or Spouse Refuses to Stop Driving
Unsafe driving is a significant concern for older adults.
When you see warning signs that your parent or spouse is no longer safe behind the wheel, it’s time to get them to stop driving.
However, some older adults stubbornly refuse to relinquish the keys.
You might have already done everything you can think of, like:
- Holding repeated conversations to ask them to stop
- Showing proof that they’re no longer safe drivers
- Calling a family meeting so it’s not just coming from you
- Reassuring them that they’ll still be able to go out
But what if, even after all that, they still refuse to hand over their keys?
If your loved one still refuses to stop driving, you might be forced to resort to more extreme measures. They might seem underhanded, but they can be effective.
Don’t despair; when everything else has failed, there are eight more things you can try to stop an elderly person from driving.
Don’t Feel Guilty
These methods might make you feel like you’re betraying them or being the “bad guy.”
But what you’re really doing is using last-resort measures to protect their safety and that of other drivers and nearby pedestrians.
8 Ways to Stop an Elderly Person from Driving
1. Anonymously report them to the DMV
The Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) allows people to report unsafe drivers, often anonymously. You don’t have to be a doctor; anyone can report an incident.
The benefit is that your loved one won't blame you for taking away their license. Instead, they'll be angry with the DMV. Each state’s DMV has different procedures. When someone is reported as an unsafe driver, they're called in for a driver’s license retest regardless of when their license expires. Contact your local DMV to find out what your state requires to request a retest.
If you don’t feel comfortable filing a DMV report, speak confidentially with your doctor and share your concerns. Ask the doctor to write a letter that you can take to the DMV.
2. Use Alzheimer’s or Dementia-Related Forgetfulness to Your Advantage
An Alzheimer’s or dementia diagnosis can cause seniors to become irrational and stubborn about driving, despite the consequences. In these situations, an effective strategy is to remove the car and any reminders of driving.
The best strategy in this case is to creatively distract them from the topic until they forget about driving altogether. This approach spares them from angry confrontations or getting depressed about not being allowed to drive.
VIDEO: 8 Proven Methods to Take Away the Keys
3. Have a Relative or Close Friend “Borrow the Car”
If your loved one’s car isn’t in the garage, they won’t be able to drive it. You could arrange for a relative or close friend to borrow the car to keep them from getting suspicious. Obviously, this requires your friend or relative to have room for the car at their place.
For example, the relative/friend could pretend the car is in the shop for repairs. If it’s a young relative, they could say they need the vehicle for school or a job. When the car is out of sight or unavailable for a good reason, your loved one may be more willing to give up driving.
You don’t have to give the car away; that’s just a cover story to get the car out of their sight. After that, you decide to keep, sell, or give away the vehicle.
4. Hide or Lose the Car Keys
Another way to keep your loved one from driving is to hide the car keys or pretend they're lost. It's best to do this while they’re asleep so they won’t suspect that you’ve taken them.
If they ask you where the keys are, pretend you have no idea. You could even help them look and, after searching the house, declare that the keys are hopelessly lost. Say you’ll get a new set, but it could take a while.
5. Take the Car for Repairs
Pretending that the car is having a problem is another effective method.
Tell your family member the car is at the auto shop for repairs. This gets the car away from the house – similar to having a relative borrow it.
Your loved one may ask why the car has been in the shop for so long. Be prepared to say something like:
- A repair part hasn't arrived yet
- The repairs cost more than the car is worth
- The mechanic says the car can’t be fixed
6. Disable the Car
Another good way to prevent someone from driving is to disable their car. Do something simple like unplugging the battery or locking the steering wheel with a “Club.”
Even if they managed to get the keys, they still wouldn’t be able to drive a disabled car.
7. Sell the Car
Selling their car is another way to ensure that your loved one can no longer drive.
Make up a story for why this is necessary. For example, you might say that a close relative needs money, and that this is the only way to help.
You don’t have to sell the car if you don’t want to, but this is another way to get it out of sight for a seemingly legitimate reason.
8. Hide Your Own Car and Car Keys
If your car is still available, a family member might try to take your keys and drive it. If that’s happening, make sure to hide your own keys and park your car out of their sight.
Whenever you need to go out, you can say you're getting a ride from a friend or taking public transportation.
Frequently Asked Questions About Unsafe Senior Drivers
Can I anonymously report an elderly driver to the DMV?
Yes, most state Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) offices allow concerned family members, doctors, and even citizens to file a request for driver review anonymously. The DMV will then require the individual to undergo medical, vision, or driving re-evaluations without revealing who submitted the report.
Can a doctor revoke an elderly person's driver's license?
A doctor cannot directly revoke a license, but they hold significant authority. A physician can write a “do not drive” prescription or submit a medical report directly to the DMV detailing cognitive or physical impairments, which often triggers an automatic license suspension or mandatory retesting by the state.
How do you stop someone with dementia from driving if they refuse?
Reasoning with someone suffering from dementia is rarely effective. Caregivers must prioritize safety through environmental control. This includes permanently hiding the car keys, moving the vehicle out of sight, or disabling the car by disconnecting the battery so it will not start.
Conclusion: How to Stop Seniors From Driving
Taking away a loved one's car keys is one of the most agonizing decisions a caregiver faces. While the methods outlined above may feel deceptive, they are necessary interventions when logic and conversation fail. Remember, people's lives are on the line when distracted drivers are on the road.
Important: Your primary responsibility is protecting your family member from harming themselves or others on the road. Do not let guilt paralyze your decision-making.
By taking decisive action to remove their access to a vehicle, you are prioritizing their physical safety over their temporary anger. Secure the keys, disable the vehicle, or involve medical professionals to ensure they can no longer drive safely.
Recommended for you:
- When Should Seniors Stop Driving? 7 Warning Signs
- 4 Tips to Get an Elderly Person to Stop Driving
- How to Hire a Driver for Seniors: 6 Tips
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About the Author
Connie is the founder of DailyCaring.com and was a hands-on caregiver for her grandmother for 20 years. (Grandma made it to 101 years old!) She knows how challenging, overwhelming, and all-consuming caring for an older adult can be. She also understands the importance of support, especially in the form of practical solutions, valuable resources, and self-care tips.
My husband has lung cancer, dementia and Parkinson’s disease. The doctor filed a report with the licensing office. He was very angry with her which is so out of character for him. Now I do all of the driving but I always let him him open my door if he wants, he gets my wheelchair out and I have him carry the car keys on a lanyard around his neck. I put them back in my purse with his wallet when we get home. He no longer remembers his credit card number so I am safe there. I also keep his phone put away so he doesn’t get scam calls. He knows that he needs to check with me before he purchases anything or gives out information.
There are many things you can do to protect your loved ones if they aren’t making sound decisions.
I am going through this with my 86 year old mother. She totalled her last car. At this point she doesn’t have a car, license, or insurance. Though she is currently trying to get a car and license without any support from her family. Any feedback running counter to her wishes is “mean” or “controlling.” It is exhausting to try to allow her an appropriate level of autonomy when she lacks self awareness to recognize what she can safely manage. She has fallen for a computer support scam and still believes the scammer over her family. We are all worried that she will be scammed into thinking she buys a car and losing money she cannot afford over it.
My uncle is going blind . With constant headaches. He lives alone in the mountains in a different state. He got his license suspend after running into a guard rail . This week my father and I drove 2200 miles because my uncle got lost and ended up 330 miles from home . All his doctors are at a loss for the cause. I’m 44 and clearly can tell it’s time for an intervention . It’s time for him to move back home where our family can care for him. This is a very difficult situation.
We’re so sorry to hear about this situation. It definitely sounds like he may have some underlying health conditions that are causing the decline in his ability to drive safely and/or live alone.
There is a lady in Monroe County that is 89. She doesn’t make her turns right. Stares straight ahead and not watching around people nor animals. Both of her arms are very shaky and her right leg is hurting her. It might be her knee. Worried that her leg will give out and the peddle will hit the floor She is limping. She has not said anything to her dr. This is getting worse. Please don’t mention to her that I have reported this.
If you’ve observed this unsafe driving, it would be a good idea to report this to her doctor and/or the DMV so her driving abilities can be evaluated for her own safety and the safety of innocent bystanders.
Good for you Carolyn K and SBS, sounds like you both have formidable personalities to deftly handle a resistant senior with honor and respect. For the rest of us, we’re happy to listen to out-of-the-box strategies that may help us prevent our elder parents from killing themselves or someone else because we “honored” them by letting them continue to despite their inability to safely do so.
Thank you, Daily Caring and others for contributing much needed advice to those of us struggling to care for ageing parents who don’t always agree with what is “safe.”
Thanks for the kind feedback! We’re so glad our suggestions are helpful for the tough discussions and challenging situations that so many of us face.
I was disturbed by many of the suggestions in this article. They covered the range from deceit and gaslighting to theft. With the exception of those who are legally not competent to make their own decisions, it is the elder’s decision when or if to stop driving. The recommendations here violate the senior’s right to make that decision. This encourages caregivers to step way over healthy boundaries.
#3: To have someone “borrow” the car and not bring it back is vehicle theft. After that, it is NOT your decision to keep, sell or give it away. You couldn’t sell it anyway without the owner’s (often notarized) signature on the title.
#4: To “lose” the car keys and pretend you don’t know what happened to them is dishonest and gaslighting. At some level they may know what you have done, and it will undermine their trust in you (and rightfully so).
#5: Like #3 and #4, with this suggestion, you would also be lying about the situation and gaslighting the senior.
#6: If you disable the car, you are damaging someone else’s property.
#7: Again, the car is not yours to sell. If you do it without their knowledge, then you are selling stolen property.
I have a 90-year-old father who should have stopped driving a while ago. I came to this website looking for help.
In our state, you cannot just call the DMV and report an unsafe driver. (If that were the case, they’d get a complaint anytime someone got ticked off by another’s driving.) If I were to do any of the other suggestions, my dad would call the dealer to get new keys or the cops to file a report of his stolen car.
My only recourse is to respect his right to make his own decision on this while talking with him about how he’ll know when to stop driving. I also offer and arrange alternative transportation as much as is humanly possible. Above all, I respect him and know what’s my problem to solve and what isn’t.
Unfortunately, deceit may be necessary if someone is clearly no longer able to safely drive a car, but uses poor judgement and insists on continuing to drive. If there isn’t already a dementia diagnosis, that decision in itself could indicate that they may be experiencing some cognitive impairment that should be evaluated by a doctor.
In the vast majority of cases, the person taking these steps is only doing so in order to protect the person who is exhibiting poor judgement due to damage in their brain and to protect innocent drivers and pedestrians. The intention isn’t to lie maliciously, steal their car, or profit from selling the car.
Not preventing someone who is clearly unable to drive safely from continuing to drive is similar to allowing someone who is clearly impaired by drugs or alcohol to drive themselves. Those who have knowledge of the situation have a moral obligation to protect that person and other people from potential injury or death.
Every state’s DMV has different rules around reporting an unsafe driver. Here’s a helpful website with an overview of each state’s policies – https://www.dementiacarecentral.com/caregiverinfo/driving-problems/
In some states, doctors are required to report to the DMV any patients who are cognitively or medically unsafe to drive.
Carolyn, Your Dad clearly does not have the level of dementia where he needs to stop driving. If he is able to call the car dealership to get keys, he is still operating at a good level. He maybe physically not able to drive which is a difficult issue also. Be grateful. The suggestions in this article deal with a really hard issue that can be deadly. Because it is really hard to get those with dementia to stop driving, care givers will do almost anything to get loved ones to not drive.
Let’s see how you feel when his bad driving kills someone and or himself.
he has almost hit other vehicles
Yikes, that sounds scary. Hopefully the tips above will help you get him to stop driving before he hurts himself or others.
Another method is to take their keys and have them filed down enough so they will no longer work in the ignition.
Excellent tip!! Very creative! Thanks for sharing.
Thank you, Carolyn K – that’s exactly what I thought! Our parents deserve our respect and to maintain their own dignity and we will not deceive or trick them into giving up the keys when that time comes. I would much rather my parents be angry at me for telling them the truth or asking the DMV to intervene…than dishonor them and our relationship through deceit.
I’ve tried to explain to my mother that it isn’t safe for her to drive anymore. She thinks I’m just trying to hurt her! So sometimes lying is the only option. If you can have a conversation with your parent and they understand and agree then consider yourself lucky!
What if they drove with your child? Sure save the white lie to preserve your own self righteousness until your loved one hurts themselves or another and is lef tto pay for the damage. Smart thinking.