Do’s and Don’ts for Visiting Someone with Dementia

People with dementia can still enjoy having visitors

Older adults with Alzheimer’s disease or dementia may still enjoy having visitors.

To help everyone have a positive experience when visiting someone with Alzheimer’s or dementia, a little advance preparation goes a long way.

You can set visitors up for success by sharing some do’s and don’ts ahead of time and create a calm environment so your older adult can focus better.

Having a great visit and understanding more about dementia might even encourage family and friends to visit more often.

We share 4 tips for planning successful visits and share essential do’s and dont’s that create a positive experience by helping family and friends know what to say and do.

4 tips for planning visits strategically

1. Limit visitors to 1 or 2 people at a time. Too many people can be overwhelming.
2. Schedule visits for the time of day when your older adult is usually at their best.
3. Minimize distractions by keeping the environment calm and quiet. Turn off the TV or loud music and ask any non-visitors to go to another room.
4. Send the do’s and don’ts list to your visitors ahead of time so they’ll have time to absorb the information.

21 essential do’s and don’ts for visiting someone with Alzheimer’s

DO

1. Keep your tone and body language friendly and positive.
2. Don’t speak too loudly.
3. Make eye contact and stay at their eye level.
4. Introduce yourself even if you’re sure they must know you. “Hi Grandma, I’m Joe, your grandson.”
5. Speak slowly and in short sentences with only one idea per sentence. For example: “Hi Mary. I’m Jane, your friend.” or “What a beautiful day. The sunshine is nice, isn’t it?” or “Tell me about your daughter.”
6. Give them extra time to speak or answer questions, don’t rush the conversation.
7. Use open-ended questions so there will be no right or wrong answers.
8. Be ok with sitting together in silence. They may enjoy that just as much as talking.
9. Follow their lead, don’t force conversation topics or activities.
10. Validate their feelings. Allow them to express sadness, fear, or anger.
11. Enter their reality. Go with the flow of the conversation even if they talk about things that aren’t true or don’t make sense.
12. Share and discuss memories of the past. They’re more likely to remember things from long ago.
13. Come prepared with an activity, like something to read out loud, a photo album to look at, or some of their favorite music to listen to.
14. Give hugs, gentle touches, or massage arms or shoulders if the person gives permission and enjoys it.

DON’T

1. Say “do you remember?” This can cause anger or embarrassment.
2. Argue. If they say something that’s not correct, just let it go.
3. Point out mistakes. It just makes them feel badly and doesn’t help the conversation.
4. Assume they don’t remember anything. Many people have moments of clarity.
5. Take mean or nasty things they say personally. The disease may twist their words or make them react badly out of confusion, frustration, fear, or anger.
6. Talk down to them. They aren’t children and you should show the proper respect.
7. Talk about them with other people as if they’re not there.

Recommended for you:

• 15 Insightful Dementia Communication Tips
• Answer 3 Tough Questions from Seniors with Alzheimer’s
• Therapeutic Fibbing: Why Experts Recommend Lying to Someone with Dementia

By DailyCaring Editorial Team

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About the Author

Connie Chow

Connie was a hands-on caregiver for her grandmother for 20 years. (Grandma made it to 101 years old!) She knows how challenging, overwhelming, and all-consuming caring for an older adult can be. She also knows how important support is — especially in the form of practical solutions, valuable resources, and self-care tips.