Have you ever approached your loved one with dementia, only to be met with fear, anger, or confusion? That moment of rejection can be heartbreaking and make you question everything you're doing. You're trying to help, but your very presence seems to trigger distress.
The truth is, the way we approach can set the tone for the entire interaction. It's not just what we say, but how we enter their space and their reality.
These six essential tips from caregiver expert Teepa Snow will help you transform your approach, turning potential moments of tension into opportunities for positive connection.
Correctly Approaching Someone With Dementia Sets the Tone
Something as simple as how you approach (walk up to or start interacting with) someone with Alzheimer’s disease or dementia can set the tone for the whole interaction.
Because the person with dementia’s brain has been damaged, they’re no longer processing information in the same way we do.
That’s why our instincts for approaching someone might seem scary or aggressive to them.
If we unintentionally startle them, it can trigger their natural “fight or flight” response and cause conflict.
Learning to approach someone in a non-threatening way sets the stage for a positive interaction, and helping someone feel at ease makes it much more likely that they’ll cooperate with the task at hand.
We found an excellent video featuring expert dementia educator Teepa Snow demonstrating practical techniques for approaching someone with dementia.
She also shows why some of our approaches can seem scary or threatening—the opposite of our kind intentions.
This 8-minute video clip is from a training class that Teepa is giving to assisted living staff, but the techniques are 100% applicable to any caregiving situation.
Having her demonstrate the scenario to staff members brings it to life and makes it easy to see how everyday actions could be misinterpreted.
Here, we highlight Teepa’s six key techniques for a non-threatening way to approach someone with dementia.
VIDEO: 6 Techniques for Approaching Someone with Dementia
1. Approach From the Front, Never From Behind
- It’s a natural human response to be startled by or uncomfortable with someone unseen coming up from behind and touching them or getting right in their face.
- The person might respond with fight (hitting out), flight (trying to get away), or fright (freezing and grabbing onto something).
- What this approach can look like from their perspective – at 2:13 in the video
2. Approach Slowly to Allow the Brain Time to Process
- If you zoom in (from their damaged brain’s perspective), they’ll be startled and respond again with fight, flight, or fright.
- A good pace is to count “one-one-thousand” per step.
3. Avoid a Confrontational Stance
- Instead of standing right in front of (and over) someone, take a supportive stance. Stand at arm's length at their side (the dominant, writing-hand side is preferred because it instinctively makes them feel more comfortable).
- What this looks like from their perspective – at 4:41 in the video
Pro tip: Don’t mistake a smile or laugh for true comfort or happiness. It could be a nervous smile or laugh while they’re uncomfortable and figuring out how to respond. See the volunteer’s nervous laughter at 6:05 in the video when Teepa looms over him.
4. Crouch Down to Eye Level, Don’t Bend Forward
- Bending forward puts your face too close to theirs, causing discomfort
- They feel like they're in control, so they’re more likely to cooperate
5. Offer Your Hand – Don’t Grab or Pull
- When someone grabs or pulls you, you automatically pull away and resist.
- When you offer your hand, they choose to take it, which makes the
6. Putting It All Together
- In this section, Teepa combines all the steps and demonstrates how to approach the person in a way that is most likely to be comfortable for them.
Pro tip: Notice Teepa’s hand position and how she takes his hand (7:55 in video). This hand-under-hand position is an essential technique that she often teaches. This hand position is the safest for both of you, provides greater comfort to the person with dementia, and gives you more control.
Final Thoughts
Mastering these approaches is a journey of love and adaptation. It's about meeting your loved one in their world, rather than insisting they live in ours.
When you prioritize their comfort and sense of safety, you're not just completing a care task—you are affirming their dignity and strengthening your bond. Remember, progress over perfection. Each small, positive interaction is a victory.
Be patient with your loved one as they navigate this disease, and be incredibly patient with yourself as you learn this new language of care.
Recommended for you:
- Dementia and Eyesight: An Expert Explains 3 Common Changes and Behaviors
- 9 Ways to Reduce Anger in Dementia
- Responding to 4 Common Dementia Accusations: Stealing, Poisoning, Being Held Prisoner
About the Author
Connie is the founder of DailyCaring.com and was a hands-on caregiver for her grandmother for 20 years. (Grandma made it to 101 years old!) She knows how challenging, overwhelming, and all-consuming caring for an older adult can be. She also understands the importance of support, especially in the form of practical solutions, valuable resources, and self-care tips.
