When you’re caring for an older adult, it can be difficult to set the boundaries and expectations you need to manage stress and prevent burnout. Lee Elliott shares 6 tips to help you keep expectations realistic and make time for your own needs.
Providing care for another person can lead to burnout, stress, fatigue, and a loss of sight of your own personal life.
Because of the physical, emotional, and financial demands, it’s important for all caregivers to set realistic expectations and establish healthy boundaries to balance their older adult’s needs with their own.
After all, when you feel better, you’ll be able to provide better care to your older adult. Here are 6 ways to set expectations and boundaries that will improve your quality of life.
How to Set Realistic Boundaries When Caregiving
1. Know what you’re up against
Whether it’s Alzheimer’s, cancer, or another health condition, find out as much as you can about it.
Learn about the stages of progression and the symptoms that accompany each stage. The more you know about what to expect, the better you can prepare for what’s to come.
How to do it:
- Talk to your loved one's doctor about signs, symptoms, side effects, and what to expect as the condition progresses.
- Reach out to other people who are caring for someone with the same disease. Ask about some of their personal experiences.
2. Be realistic about your loved one's state of mind
The person you are caring for may not say “thank you” often enough when you’re helping them. They might have spells of irritability or reclusion. They may be disinterested in some of the activities you propose.
Remember that the person’s health condition is causing them to experience a range of emotions on top of any physical pain. That may be affecting their reasoning, mood, and people skills.
How to do it:
- Get plenty of rest. Lack of sleep can make anyone more irritable, and your patience may already be wearing thin.
- Don’t force anything. If your older adult doesn’t show an initial interest in doing something, drop it for now and revisit it later.
- Take criticism with a grain of salt. Accept it, ignore it, or evaluate it, but don’t let it eat at you.
3. Be prepared to say no
Saying no might be the hardest thing for a caregiver to do. But sometimes a person receiving care might request something that is unsafe or unreasonable for them or for you.
Things like not wanting to eat, drink, bathe, clean, or throw away clutter are all situations where you may have to put your foot down.
How to do it:
- Make a list of things that the person you’re caring for has either requested (or may request) that you would prefer to decline.
- For each one, write down the reason why you would say no and then come up with a way of saying it kindly and in a way that shows that you’re keeping their best interests at heart.
- Practice giving these reasons aloud. Then you’ll be ready to respond calmly if the situation comes up.
4. Ask for help when you need it
One of the worst things a caregiver can do to themselves is expect to be able to take on the job alone. This is a recipe for stress, fatigue, and burnout.
Be realistic about the number of hours you can dedicate to care without sacrificing your job, household, and family responsibilities. Lean on help from nearby relatives or professional care to fill in the remaining gaps.
How to do it:
- Explain your situation to another family member and express how your caregiving duties are negatively affecting you.
- Be specific about tasks that you could use help with.
- Prepare a list of duties, along with the days and times they're carried out, and ask your family member if there’s anything on that list they’d be willing to take on.
5. Make time for yourself
It’s important for caregivers to spend some time alone or doing something they love. Whether it’s taking a good book to your favorite park, playing a round of golf, or doing some yoga, it’s critical for your own mental and emotional health to take a step back from your caregiving role and recharge your battery.
How to do it:
- Schedule “me time” in advance by blocking off certain times of the day or week. If you wait for free time as it comes, it may never come.
- Try to schedule your personal time at the same time each day to make it just as much a part of your routine as your caregiving duties.
- Make your personal time a true indulgence, which means not using it for doing laundry, paying bills, or other chores.
6. Make time for family and friends
Just as it’s important to set expectations around your personal time, it’s equally vital to do the same for your own family and personal relationships.
Without setting those clear expectations, caregiving can place tremendous strain on relationships with spouses, children, and close friends.
How to do it:
- Much like setting aside time for yourself, a schedule of regular social interaction with family and friends can go a long way toward maintaining those relationships. Make date nights with your spouse or set up regular get-togethers with friends.
- Multi-task. If you take your older adult to a doctor’s appointment, call your spouse for a brief conversation from the waiting room. If you have to run to the store, bring your child along and take them for a treat.
Final Thoughts on Setting Boundaries When Caregiving
Caring for an older adult is a journey filled with emotional and physical demands, but it doesn't have to come at the cost of your own well-being.
By understanding the challenges ahead, setting realistic expectations for yourself and your loved one, and establishing firm boundaries, you can create a more sustainable and positive caregiving experience.
Remember, making time for yourself and nurturing your relationships with family and friends isn't selfish; it's essential. These practices recharge your ability to provide compassionate care, ensuring that you can support your loved one while also honoring your own needs and personal life.
Recommended for you:
- 2 Tips for Managing Difficult Caregiver Emotions: Advice from a Social Worker
- How to Cope with Compassion Fatigue: 8 Tips for Caregivers
- 11 Ways to Cope with Feeling Unappreciated as a Caregiver
Guest contributor: Lee Elliott is a writer and blogger from Raleigh, North Carolina. He enjoys long walks in the woods with his dog and mindfulness meditation.
About the Author
Connie is the founder of DailyCaring.com and was a hands-on caregiver for her grandmother for 20 years. (Grandma made it to 101 years old!) She knows how challenging, overwhelming, and all-consuming caring for an older adult can be. She also understands the importance of support, especially in the form of practical solutions, valuable resources, and self-care tips.
